You all know the story: a bunch of party-minded, binge drinking college sexual deviants get together for a awesome weekend at a creepy cabin in the middle of nowhere. They all expect to wake up at the end with a killer hangover, but instead they wake up murdered. It's a classic American horror plot and it's been done to death. Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard turn this trope on it's head in 2012's The Cabin in the Woods, and to great effect.
The Cabin in the Woods starts off with some witty banter between two scientist-types. They're driving around a huge facility in a golf cart, talking about childproofing cabinets and other inane bullshit. It's not the beginning you'd expect from a horror movie and it almost gives you the sense that you've made a mistake and picked the wrong movie. Fear not, though, as the facility becomes a major setting for the movie and part of one of the greatest horror movie endings ever.
We are then introduced to the crew of college students who are on their way to the cabin. They seem to be generic characters but they are actually another deviation from the typical formula. The "jock" character (Chris Hemsworth), while muscled and studly, is a sociology major on full academic scholarship and starts the movie by suggesting textbooks to one of his sexy friends. Marty, the archetypal "stoner," is not only astute and intelligent but also really, legitimately funny. The girls are sexy but not comically bimbotastic, and the geek is a black guy who (SPOILERS!) doesn't die first.
Speaking of Marty (Fran Kranz), lets just get this straight: he's the best character in the movie. His comic relief is fan-fucking-tastic. He says what the audience is always thinking during horror movies. Lines like "I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand, here: do not read the Latin!" are exactly the kind of humor that makes The Cabin in the Woods laugh out loud funny, and Marty delivers them in nearly every scene. Add his astute observations to some well crafted weed jokes and you've got a character that is easy to root for as well as hilarious.
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THIS IS WHERE SPOILERS START! The movie is two years old already, but it's got a great ending so if you haven't seen it, don't read on! Just know that it is excellent and I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to see a cool horror flick and watch it for yourself!
The first half of the movie is roughly what you'd expect: the college kids get packed and set off to the woods in their RV, smoking lots of weed and encountering a creepy backwoods gas station attendant along the way. They party in the cabin and discover some creepy shit inside it such as a one way mirror between the rooms, some weird animal heads mounted on the walls, and a cellar full of ominous old knick-knacks. This is interspersed with scenes in the command center facility where the movie begins, and it is slowly revealed that the cabin is more than it seems. The people in the facility are engineering the trip to the cabin as a sort of ritual sacrifice to appease the "ancient ones," who we can only assume are Cthulhu's angry cousins.
The first half, while entertaining, can lag at times. The scenes with the kids are generic, as they sit around drinking liquor and playing truth or dare. Even though it serves the film's purpose, scenes where drunken college kids are fucking in the forest only to get murdered by zombie rednecks with bear traps can remind you of all the terrible horror flicks that this movie isn't, which isn't something I want to be reminded of. It's a minor complaint, though.
The second half of the movie is where shit really starts to pick up, though. After it seems like everyone has died, the scientists in the command center celebrate a job well done by drinking tequila while a screen shows Dana getting beaten up by a zombie, with REO Speedwagon blasting in the background. Yet again, things aren't as they seem, though. In perhaps the most ominous, suspenseful scene in the movie, a red phone begins to ring during the party. Everyone gets quiet, and the head honcho tells them to turn off the music. Apparently, Marty didn't actually die when he got dragged into the forest by a zombie with a bear trap, which is bad news for our now drunken scientist friends.
Meanwhile, Marty saves Dana from her zombie oppressor and shows her the elevator he discovered, which they take down into what amounts to a locker room full of nightmare creatures. Many of the things on the whiteboard from earlier in the movie are present, although I was disappointing we don't get to see what Angry Molesting Tree looks like (yes, that is one of the monster options on the whiteboard!). Soon after they get out of the elevator, they find themselves in the command center proper.
So what, the KKK gets a spot but we don't get to see Angry Molesting Tree?
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At this point, we are treated to an immensely awesome scene. Security guards, armed and armored to the teeth, rush into the elevator room to finish off Marty and Dana, but they have a plan: they hide in the control room and release all the monsters into the facility. A bloodbath of massive proportions ensues as wave after wave of zombies, demon bats, creepy ballerinas and other nightmare creatures collide with wave after wave of tender security guards. The rest of the movie is more or less an extension of this as we watch giant snakes, clowns, and (yes!) a unicorn wreak havoc in the facility. Sprinkle in a little grim humor, exposition and Sigourney Weaver and you've got a very satisfying wrap up to an overall great movie.
Cute unicorn drawing by Selina Zawacki (SZMoon.net)
If you can't tell, I have a very high opinion of The Cabin in the Woods. It is a very fresh take on perhaps the most tired of American horror movie tropes and it does it in a funny and engaging way. While it may seem a tad boring at times, it more than makes up for it in the end, which is just fucking awesome. The worst thing you could say about The Cabin in the Woods is that it isn't really scary at any point, which is something of a negative for a horror movie. Despite it's lack of scares I still think it does enough to be considered "horror," even if it's purpose is more to rip on the genre and make jokes about it than to scare the audience. I'd highly recommend this movie to anyone, especially fans of horror movies, as they will likely get the most enjoyment out of the different angle it takes on the genre. 4.5/5!
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