Halloween Horror Countdown: Pontypool

With Halloween rearing it's ugly, misshapen head that means horror films are popular again. And if you are looking for cerebral and gore, I have just the thing for you.

Pontypool is about a Canadian shock jock that his career has dwindled to him doing radio shows in the basement of a church. His day starts off like any snowy morning in Pontypool, with reports of schools and street being closed due to snow. As the day goes on, weird calls keep coming in about people committing random acts of violence, repeating the same words over and over again, and military vehicles showing up. Everything takes place within the radio studio, and more callers keep calling about the weird happenings going on in the town. Soon, a girl working for the station starts to show zombie-riffic behavior. The crew hides themselves in the radio room as she terrorizes people coming in until she just kills herself. More accounts of people like her keep coming over the lines.

Pontypool is a zombie film that still has all the gore, but does something completely different from others zombie flicks. With most zombies infecting people with bites or a disease, this zombie virus infects people with the English language. Every word is a potential landmine to become zombified. The people trapped even resort to speaking French to survive.

This film is not short on gore, nor is it short on social commentary. This film is War of the Worlds meets Night of the Living Dead, but thrusted to a new level of fear with how the "zombie virus" can travel. If you are tired of all of the same zombies movies that have become too formulaic, this is the perfect film for you. I give this film 4 and half blood-vomiting girls out of 5.

(Bringing new meaning to the phrase "White Girl Wasted")

Fury REVIEW:

Brad Pitt reprises his role as
an American badass in
WWII

Fury opens on German battlefield in 1945. As the the flames of the battle are dying down, the crew of Fury, a US Army tank, are working to get it running again. The crew consists of three soldiers, "Bible," "Gordo,"
and "Coon-Ass," their Sergeant "Wardaddy," and their dead gunner, who is quickly replaced by a clerical worker, Private Ellison, with just 8 weeks in the Army. As the war is slowly coming to an end, Fury joins a convoy of tanks that makes its way through Germany. After a few horrifyingly devastating battles, Fury is the only one remaining and the radio is down. While passing through a small, rural town, they hit a land mine, making Fury immobile. When Ellison spots an entire German battalion marching over the hill towards them, they quickly realize that their only options are to hide in the forest and wait for them to pass through or to stay with Fury and fight.

"Multifaceted Shia LaBeouf"

The witty dialogue and interesting character development were supported by an incredibly talented cast which included Brad Pitt as Don "Wardaddy" Collier, Shia LaBeouf (that kid from Even Stevens) as Boyd "Bible" Swan, Logan Lerman (The Perks of Being a Wallflower) as Norman Ellison, Michael Peña (Cesar Chavez, Crash) as Trini "Gordo" Garcia, Jonathan Bernthal (The Wolf of Wall Street) as Grady "Coon-Ass" Travis, and Jason Isaacs (Harry Potter) as Captain Waggoner. It was a spectacular ensemble cast, and as you may have heard, Brad Pitt recently announced that Shia LaBeouf is one of the "best actors he's ever seen."

The film was gritty and raw with its depictions of battle and the horrors of war. It was dramatically compelling and I also learned some new German phrases while watching the film:

Was ist Ihre Lieblingsfarbe? (What is your favorite color?)

Sind Sie ein guter Tänzer? (Are you a good dancer?)

Haben Sie fette Mädchen gerne? (Do you like fat girls?)

4/5 A damn good drama.

Halloween Horror Countdown: Scream

So meta: Jamie Kennedy urges
Jamie Lee Curtis to turn around
while watching Halloween

Master of Horror Wes Craven (The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street) sparked a resurgence of slasher flicks in the 90s with the release of Scream in 1996. It is a horror film about horror films. The entire Scream series is suspenseful, self-referential, and meta, but as with many film sagas, the first is definitely the best.  When a ghost-faced murderer begins terrorizing teenagers in the small town of
Woodsboro, a group of friends consider "the rules" of horror films as they try to survive. It's an incredibly fun movie to watch with the perfect blend of suspense and wit.

Dracula Untold REVIEW

Many believe that Bram Stoker's Dracula was loosely based off of Vlad the Impaler, a high ranking member of the Romanian court in the 15th century. This film is loosely based on that rumor. Dracula Untold tells the tale of Vlad the Impaler, a Transylvanian prince who becomes the vampire Dracula. During a battle against the Turkish army, Vlad finds his way into a dark cave where a monster who feasts on human blood resides. Legend states that this monster became the way he is after a deal with a demon went awry. After the Turkish army demands 1000 Translyvanian boys as tribute, Vlad seeks out help from the monster in the cave. This monster tells Vlad to drink his blood and he will become like him for three days. However, if Vlad drinks the blood of another human, he will remain that way forever. 

After drinking the monster's blood, Vlad gains super hearing, super speed, and the ability to see in infrared (like Predator). He also becomes sensitive to light, which isn't much of an issue in the perpetually dark Transylvania, and he develops an inconvenient allergy to silver. Vlad's new strength enables him to win a battle against the Turkish army, but during post-battle sexy times with Mrs. Impaler, the only throbbing vein

Dat human blood, doe

on Vlad's mind is in his wife's neck. Vlad then spends the next three days resisting the urge to drink blood while simultaneously fighting off the Turkish army to protect his people. They seek refuge in a precariously perched monastery atop a cliff, where the final battle takes place.

There are rumors that Dracula Untold is the first in a series of Universal Studios's shared universe of classic movie monsters. Next in line is The Mummy, due to be released in 2016. Dracula Untold is director Gary Shore's first feature film and stars Luke Evans (Immortals, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug) as Vlad the Impaler, Dominic Cooper (Captain America: The First Avenger, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) as Mehmed the sultan, and Sarah Gadon (The Amazing Spider-Man 2) as Mirena, Vlad's wife.

2/5 Dracula Untold was neither terrible nor extraordinary. There was nothing in it that stood out or was particularly surprising, making it incredibly easy to forget, but it was still a better vampire movie than Twilight. 

Tusk: Review

(Under the TUSKan Moon)

Tusk, the latest film from Kevin Smith is his journey into horror, and with any Kevin Smith film it has his own bold take on the genre. Tusk is about Wallace Bryton, Justin Long, (Dodgeball) going to Canada for the Podcast he and his friend Teddy, Haley Joel Osment, (I see dead people) run called the Not-See Party. Their main focus is on raunchy internet videos where they riff and make fun of the internet sensation of the day. When he arrives he finds that the man is dead and he needs to find someone to interview for his show. While in the bathroom he finds a letter posted on the bathroom wall about a man asking for anyone to come to his house to listen about his adventures through life. Wallace takes this chance to interview him and finds him.

When arriving to the secluded house he meets Howard Howe, Michael Parks, (Django Unchained) and he tells him of some of his stories while they drink tea. What Wallace doesn't know is that Howe spiked his tea which knocks him out. When he awakes he is disoriented, and missing a leg. Howe tells Wallace that his best friend that saved his life decades ago was a Walrus. And in horror fashion to rekindle that man on walrus love, Howe turns Wallace into a Walrus.

This is where the films starts to lose momentum.  Smith does not know what he wants to do with the film. It keeps shifting between comedy to horror and it is not able to do both at the same time. Michael Parks gives an electric performance as the villain and he can handle all of Kevin Smith's verbose language. Justin Long also does a good job at playing the douche bag podcast host and he thinks every word he utters is comedy gold. But together they don't mesh well. This film tries to be like a comedic version of The Human Centipede but with a human/walrus hybrid.

Teddy and Wallace's girlfriend Ally, Genesis Rodriguez (Upcoming Big Hero 6),  began to search 
from where he goes missing, but even their story line isn't that strong to keep the film going. Also the big reveal which is the linchpin for this film after Wallace's transformation tries to be serious and comes off as comical.

(You know what, nope. I'm out)

Kevin Smith also did the film Red State and with that he had proven that he can create wonderful tension, but this film does not even showcase any of those skills he gained. Tusk tries too hard to become a cult film and tries to be so bad that its good. But when you try to do that it just flops completely. I give this film 2 mustachioed Justin Long's out of 5.

Gone Girl REVIEW:

David Fincher's amazing new drama/mystery Gone Girl is hands down the best thriller in years. It was based off the novel by the same name and was adapted for the screen by the novel's author, Gillian Flynn. The film stars Ben Affleck as Nick Dunne, a former writer and current bar owner who finds the spotlight on him when his wife Amy Dunne, portrayed by the incredibly talented Rosamund Pike (Pride & Prejudice, Jack Reacher), goes missing under suspicious circumstances on the morning of their anniversary. The film also stars Neil Patrick Harris as Desi Collings, Amy's estranged high school sweetheart who attempted suicide after their breakup, and Tyler Perry, who does a fantastic job of not annoying the shit out of audiences across America in his portrayal of Nick's defense attorney Tanner Bolt.

Trent Reznor: musical genius,
Defense Against the Dark Arts professor

Nine Inch Nails front-man Trent Reznor, who also composed for Fincher in The Social Network and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, delivers yet another outstanding soundtrack. The music is simultaneously disturbing and calming. It compliments the suspense of film perfectly.

To avoid spoiling the incredibly well-paced plot, I don't want to go any further into detail, but I will say that even though there is a cat in damn near every scene, he has nothing to do with the mystery at hand. As the story progresses, the stakes keep getting raised higher and higher. The suspense continues to build until the very end. It will have you on the edge of your seat. It's 2 hours and 29 minutes long and you really won't want to go pee in the middle of it.

4/5 The ending left me and, based off the loud grumblings I heard as the credits rolled, everyone else in the theater unsatisfied. Other than that, it was fucking fantastic.

Edge of Tomorrow REVIEW:

("Live and Let Die... and then do it again")

During a planet wide war with an alien race, a military officer, Tom Cruise finds himself stuck in a time loop where every time he dies during battle he wakes back up on the same day at the same time. As his experience dying in battle increases, so does his fighting skills and when he joins up with a special forces officer, Emily Blunt, who had experienced the same thing, he might finally find a way to beat the enemy for good.

(Why the hell are there aliens on Groundhog Day?)

Edge of Tomorrow, A.K.A. Groundhog Day During an Alien War, was a pleasant surprise this summer. Usually sci/fy war movies are just for the graphics and actors phoning in performances, but this one had much more. The battles were intense and visually amazing, Blunt was an awesome badass you couldn't help but fall in love with, Tom Cruise was on target by being witty and in Action Jackson mode throughout, and the film was actually emotionally powerful at times. It didn't even seem like they were stealing the Groundhog day concept, but instead were reinventing it for a new age.

(Me during most of the battle scenes)

Overall it was one of my Top 5 Films of the summer and will most likely make it into the Top 10 at the end of the year. You don't have to buy but I highly suggest you at least Netflix or Redbox it and make sure to enjoy it on the the biggest TV with the best sound in your home. Because we don't do the decimal system... partly because I don't math well, I rounded up my rating up. 5/5.